At some point one would think i would begin to relax and not be so scared in my relationship with J. We keep taking these steps that make things a little more serious and i keep having little panic attacks on a seemingly regular basis. I have been told that i "over-think" things and I have to admit that when it comes to J, anything from a silly little comment about how we are going to end up married to something as serious as a good friend of mine separating from her husband and everything in between has caused me to question just what we are doing.
So now i sit here trying to figure out why my relationship with J terrifies me so much?
Is it the fact that I find myself sharing things with J that i have never told to anyone before? I do this despite the fact that i was taught from a very young age not to trust people as everyone ends up hurting you in the end. The problem is, that not only do i want to trust J, but that i do trust him. In fact, i trust him more than i have ever trusted anyone.
Is it the fact that I was adamant about not ever getting married again and giving someone that much power over me? Yet I have realized that it isn't the marriage that would give a man power over me, but the falling in love with them. I have fallen in love with J, even though i haven't been brave enough to admit it to him. J already has the power to hurt me more than X ever did.
Maybe in the end, all i am really scared of is how badly i am going to end up being hurt.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment