I was trying to tell X last summer exactly how close to the end we were, he just decided not to hear me. The thing is, I didn't realize just exactly what I meant. I just knew with every fiber of my being that what I was saying was true. I told him that if we separated, I didn't think we would get back together. What I didn't understand about myself was, that I wouldn't leave until there was nothing left to save.
I would stay until my grief had dissipated, until my anger had subsided, and until I realized that I just couldn't pretend anymore. I would stay until I realized that putting my needs and wants first didn't make me a bad mother or a bad person. I would stay just long enough to comprehend the fact that I hadn't really lost the woman I am; she was just hiding, biding her time until I was ready to let her shine.
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